Saturday, January 14, 2006

Sharon's Sleep Scale

This sleep scale (specially adapted for students) is in honor of all my friends returning to class this week, and in memory of my last and most pleasant semester, and in anticipation for jet lag. With this scale, you can determine how much sleep you got the previous night simply by exercising a little self-observation the next day.


0 hours: Completely insufficient. Feel wired but will not be standing after 11 a.m. Brain function sporadic at best and shuts down after noon. Not recommended for long term survival.

1 hour
: Virtually equivalent to 0 hours.

2 hours
: Marginal improvement over 1 hour. Adrenal system has received minimal rest required to continue functioning all day and often (unfortunately and by no means desirably true) all the next night. Brain capacity at functional most of day. Some homework potential. State sustainable for most of a week.

3 hours
: As I have no experience with this particular category, I must call on other survivors to testify. I would tentatively hypothesize that the day-after experience of such a sleep level would fall more or less within the range between 2 hours and 4 hours. (This statement brought to you by COW (the Center for Overkill Writing), copyright 2006)

4 hours
: Minimal level of optimal sleep. Feeling of semi-sanity and even a distinct sense of existence often prevail. Sufficient for all necessary activities, relatively cheerful demeanor and ability to focus on persons outside self. Continuing but supportable fatigue.

5 hours
: Fully functional amount of sleep. Some drowsiness during after-lunch hours. Sanity and near-clearmindedness.

6 hours
: Normal. Ideal for students. Person unquestionably alive.

7 hours
: Excellent. Increasingly rare.

8 hours
: Superb.

9 hours
: Unsurpassable.

10 hours
: Too much. This is twice the student's normal. Subject should keep hopping if desires to sleep the following night.

11 hours or more
: If you sleep this much, you are clearly close to death from sleep-deprivation the rest of the week.


For your convenience, I've included a precise and more concise sleep level assessment chart. Since the above warnings pertaining to large amounts of sleep are presently being debated in the scientific community, the following definitions take a more traditional approach.

Deprivation:
0 - Impossible
1 - Insufficient
2 - Skimpy
3 - Tolerable

Maintenance:
4 - Decent
5 - Normal
6 - Ideal

Health:
7 - Excellent
8 and above - Superb


Sleep well. Pleasant dreams.


3 comments:

votre chère maman said...

I operated between 2 and 3 of the assessment chart for most of the childbearing (and nursing) years....around 20, though it's hard to be certain since it was all a haze :-)

Not complaining, just glad some of the fog has lifted.

Sharon said...

Mommy, you definitely broke the 'state sustainable' duration for 2 hours. Why don't they give out awards for that kind of record-setting?

Radar said...

'superb' post; i'm challenged to bring my sleep habits into the 'health' category. thanks for taking the time to compose this.