Best way to kill your appetite the next day: eat a huge dinner in a hot room with nine other friends, stay up till 2 a.m. watching an exciting, sad, scary movie, then get up six hours later to drive a van in for realignment.
An overflowed toilet does constitute a family health and sanity crisis.
Till this crisis is properly dispensed with, you're probably better off wearing shoes around the house.
If you're drying off equivalent amounts of blood and water, you're washing your hands too often.
There is no limit to how much some little boys can complain.
Your classy new hair cut may well be the death of your gagging younger brother.
Upon discovering something that truly annoys an easy-going sister, write it down.
Reading for too long can make eye movement painful.
If you can feel the electric current through the wire, said wire may be getting old.
Rhythmically patting a little brother's back produces an interesting vibrating hum.
Write down those quotes. They'll be worth another laugh someday.
- "Do you flavor your coffee with lettuce?" (Derek)
- "Trust Ardith. She's watched enough TV to know." (obvious)
Keep reenforcing those traditional family values: "Life isn't fair. Get used to it."
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