Monday, January 12, 2009

Wheee, here we go!

Quick, let's see how much more I can say before anyone realizes there are new posts on this blog...

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My car suddenly showed up with low oil, so I checked it today before leaving work. The parking lot at work is a nice flat place. The lady pulling out just in front of me stops, rolls out her window and asks, "Are you all right?"

I was kind of expecting that, as should all little blond girls who stand before their popped hoods. So I responded politely, "Of course. I'm just checking my oil, like all the other smart people who check their oil after work. That way the car is level and the engine has cooled down for a while." Or, I guess I may have stopped after the "checking my oil" part.

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Everyone is talking about all the snow we are going to get. Some say 6 inches. Some say 3. I almost want to chime in with my colleague from Minnesota, "Snow? What snow?" I hope we do get a good dump sometime soon. We were kind of spoiled last year, getting snowed in twice before Christmas.

"Which brings up the question," says someone else, as we are discussing all the snow that's coming, "why do humans live so far north?" Because some of us are tough and you aren't, I guess.

I don't necessarily live for the cold either, but goodness gracious sakes, let's at least enjoy it - brag about how hardy we Northerners are, or take it on as an exciting adventure. Hunkering down is all very well, but I find that just makes you feel colder.

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Once upon a time there was a girl who got a car, got herself auto insurance, and set up automatic monthly payments. No thinking required.

This begins around April. Come December, she suddenly recalls that she agreed to a 6-month plan and it has probably expired by now, no matter how you count months. She gasps as she finds her insurance card with an expiry date in October, then hunts and hunts through her mail for an expiration notice that never shows up. Poor girl, she is starting to feel anxious, and - worse yet - stupid. (Save your tears because there is a whole lot more stupidity coming.) Now she is pretty sure she cannot legally drive, at the worst possible time of the year, when she loves offering rides to one and all over the snow and ice in her car with the fantastic snow tires. Oh, it hurts. And even stingier on this Saturday morning is the thought of leaving for home on Tuesday!

Now, she could have just check her bank account online to see if they had debited her payment again that month, but no, if she had thought of it, it probably would have proved nothing.

Well, she manages to bum rides off others till Monday morning, when she risks driving herself to work. The memories of lights and sirens during her two recent escapades with the police keep floating through her mind. (I don't care about the punctuation or clauses, just read the story.)

First thing on lunch break, she runs out to make a call on her cell phone. Yep, it's to the insurance agent. As he looks up her account, she tries to imagine how many days they could drag out a policy renewal, and what she will do about getting home..."

"Oh, you're fine. The policy just gets automatically renewed if you don't tell us otherwise."

Oh! She's fine! And she could just - do something really awful, maybe even to someone, for having gone through all that stress for nothing ... except that once she sees the joke on her, it's really too funny to not laugh all the way back in.

But that story is no excuse for "dumb blonde" jokes. It's not "dumbness", folks. It's a relatively rare, violent attack of stupidity.

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This post would not have been possible, were it not for siblings like Ardith and Jason, and quite possibly some parental genes as well.

9 comments:

Ma Hoyt said...

Oh I knew you'd posted. That's why I told all your Hoyt relatives, knowing you would soon post, afterward.

Your negligent siblings, on the other hand, have not.

This reminds me of the time I put chicken in the crock pot, left for church and then remembered I hadn't put any liquid with it. (I know you've heard this story before, but you have to humor old people, dontcha know...)

And then we got home from church and I hadn't plugged the crock pot in?

I'm pretty sure that qualifies as dumber than your insurance business...and I'm not even blond!

Oops...

Oh hey, anyone who knows four or five languages and is learning Chinese can only qualify as brilliant.

Wilson said...

I know almost immediately when you've updated; I use Google Reader. Lately, you just haven't given me anything provocative enough to delurk for.

Ma Hoyt said...

It thrills my heart, Wilson, knowing that if indeed you use Google Reader, every time I go back to correct a misspelling or fiddle with more apt word choices, you are getting an update announcement, returning to my blog only to be faced with the confounding torment that things are pretty much the same...

Sharon said...

I don't think "delurk" should count. It's not on Dictionary.com. If this were Scrabble, you would get negative points for that.

Wilson said...

"Delurk" shows up in "about 87,600" pages on the Web, according to Google. It's not exactly a meologism.

Wilson said...

And don't worry, Ma; I never pay attention to your updates at all.

Sharon said...

Meologism - A word made up by me out of my own little head.

You meant "meologism" instead of "neologism", right?

Wilson said...

Obviously.

Sharon said...

Okay. I promise that if it had been a typo, I wouldn't have laughed and crowed. Saving that for a misspelling.